The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
