Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
