How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
