Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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