What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
