i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
