We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
