Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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