Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
