Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize