can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
