conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
