Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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