so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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