Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize