i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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