My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
