Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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