We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
