Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
