I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
