I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
