Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My feet surprised me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
