TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
