Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
