how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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