im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
