Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
