yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
