How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
