you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
