For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
where are my eyebrows?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
