You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
