just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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