I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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