i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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