You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
