You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
