she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I won the penis lottery.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
