Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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