k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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