Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
