Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
