and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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