just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Will exercising make me less horny?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
