I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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