He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
