i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
