Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
