I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
