How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
