There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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