Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
