so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
