1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
