Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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