what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
