you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
