All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
