I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
