girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize