planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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