is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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