i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
