There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
