Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
