I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize