The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
