Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
