Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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