i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
