I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
